The Bucket List
by NearlyMellow
Summary: (AU- YAOI) After a bet made with Mello, Matt has to complete every thing listed in the "Fifty sexy things to do before you die" bucket list within six weeks and what makes it even harder for the antisocial red head is Mello's stipulations, will Matt be able to complete the challenge and get the love he wants or will he lose and Mello get what he has always wanted. MELLO'S POV
1. Chapter 1

_NearlyMellow doesn't own anything, all characters and places featured in my fan fictions belong to other much smarter and talented people. If you do not enjoy yaoi do not read this, if you expect me to be perfect and have the characters exactly alike to the way they are in the manga/anime then also do not read this. People change is certain situations so please have that in mind before you flame me for the OCCness. I am not a professional writer, I make mistakes and I also have STML (Short Term Memory Loss) If the characters DO NOT meet your expectations I do apologize but I often forget characters and their traits and unless I write as soon as I have finished watching the first ten minutes I WILL NOT and CAN NOT get them exactly right so please hang in there and I will try and edit them later on. As for story lines these come into my head and I write, if my story is somewhat anything like yours once again I apologize but I did not steal it and I will not delete it, I have a trouble reading because I forget half way through what I am reading so I give up, yes it's ok to laugh it's funny, so I have not read your fan fiction so I didn't not steal your idea and those I have read and reviewed you would not believe how much patience I need to have to re-read a chapter several times over before I review and even right now I can't remember anything about any stories I have read. In conclusion I love yaoi anime, I love writing and I love making crap up please refrain from flaming until you have finished reading the whole story, if you don't like the story then move on, no need to be an asshole. I got this idea from one of my own fan fictions that I have been writing and decided to make a Death Note one with my fave couple Matt and Mello, so enjoy Lots of love K. Quinn xx_

His smooth hand and moist mouth around my thick and throbbing cock, his warm breath enveloping my rigid member sent tingles all over my muscular and young body. I could feel the excess saliva rolling down my taut member and pooling around my sac that rested against the mattress. I would have never imagined that getting head from another guy would feel so damn good but then I never expected that I would be the type of guy would allow another male to suck me off but this…this was Heaven and if this meant I was gay then I was all too happy to be a homosexual because I would have killed to have this happen to me again.

This had all started out because of a bet; yeah I know what you are thinking why would I, someone who doesn't take kindly to childish games go ahead and take on a bet that involved getting my cock sucked? Don't get me wrong it is possibly the most euphoric and intense feeling I have ever felt, but what does a blow job and me have anything to do with a bet? Well I'll tell you

It all started two days ago.

Matt and I have known each other for more than half our lives of course that means at seventeen and eighteen we met when we were six and seven and somehow, as if by a miracle, we are still together even today and trust me there have been times where I have wanted to kill him, it's rare but he does certain things that get under my skin but like all long term relationships, whether it's friendship or otherwise, they come to a point where you can finally say that you are utterly content with that one person and those things that used to piss you off no longer do. We have a rather tit for tat relationship, what I mean by that in the act of fairness if he gives me something I need to give him something in return, for instance if he doesn't wear those ridiculous white goggles with the orange lenses for a whole day I will avoid yelling at him for the same duration, which I often do simply to keep him in line.

He knows me, he knows I am emotional, head strong, occasionally violent and intelligent and he also knows that in all reality that there is no one I trust, respect and love more than him. Matt has always been there for me, he was there when I decided a life of crime for myself, he was there when I got myself scarred up pretty damn good and he has always been there when I have foolishly lost control of my emotions and had a nervous breakdown. Matt is the most loyal and understanding person I know and if anyone hurt him, I'd kill them in the spot.

People assume my life is always chaotic and busy. It couldn't be further from the truth, sometimes business is slow and apparently it's not polite social etiquette to go on murder rampage just because of boredom so in saying that I often sit around contemplating my next moves or I just go on a long ride on my BMW motorcycle. However on this particular day I woken up after an hours sleep, I'm an insomniac but we will get to that later, to find my "beloved" lazing on the couch, which was not unusual however what was odd was that instead of finding some sort of gaming device in his hands, playing it like a ten year old with A.D.D and on a sugar rush I found him reading. This is strange for two reasons 1- Although Matt is intelligent, not as brainy as I am but still comes close, he doesn't read, he doesn't even read manuals nor warning labels he just takes a guess and rolls with it without actually caring for what might or might not happen. He is very carefree and whatever I ask him to do he does it, so you can imagine I occasionally take advantage of his casual and easy going attitude, but I am digressing. 2- Matt's idea of a weekend on the couch would be laying there playing video games, smoking his disgusting cigarettes and stopping every now and then to say something that either has nothing to do with anything or just to check what I am up to. He is lazy and for him to be using his brain is another shocking development

As you have probably discovered by now Matt is not exactly much of a go-getter. He is anti-social, he hates going outside and he hates striking up a conversation, he will, because he has SOME common courtesy stand there and let someone talk to him and he will say what he needs to say or wants to say and that will be the end of it. He is much different towards me, it's probably because we have known each other for most of our lives. He doesn't often say much but if I talk, he listens and occasionally I will get more than a sentence out of him. He doesn't say much on any given day but I can tell you something honest about the guy, there is no one in this world you will find who has a bigger heart than he does, although I tried my damnedest not to sound sentimental there really is no way of denying it. He cares about me, in fact I am probably the only person he does care about. He doesn't ever say he is worried about me but I know he always is and I also know that regardless of how placid he is he would kill for me and no doubt die for me too. That's love, because I know no matter what hell I end up getting myself into Matt will always drag me back out.

Okay enough of the lovey dovey bullshit. As I was saying, I had caught him reading so naturally I was curious, as I usually am and I needed to know what it was that he was reading about so I walked over to him, grasped hold of what I now knew was a magazine and snatched it from his hands. I could feel him looking at me with those emerald green eyes, extremely beautiful and rather haunting, he didn't say anything he just watched me as he usually did

"Fifty sexy things to do before you die" I read aloud

I couldn't say I was exactly surprised. Matt may have not been the typical seventeen year old, then again neither of us were the typical teenagers people would expect us to be, we were criminals and we were more than good at what we did but by saying that we weren't "normal" meant simply that because of what we did and who we were we didn't have relationships, with anyone. We didn't form close bonds, we didn't go to parties and get shit faced and grind up against some girl, we didn't sleep around and to be perfectly honest because of our priorities neither of us had even kissed another person so it seemed possible to me that Matt was now getting that itch, one I had started getting about a year previously.

That itch was to fuck, it didn't matter who, it didn't matter if it was male or female, teenager, adult, senior citizen nothing mattered if it meant having an orgasm from either being fucked or fucking someone then it was fine. I was able to suppress that said itch, although it still bothers me but I had a funny feeling that Matt was not going to be able to handle it so easy and on account on his anti-socialism I knew right away that all his attentions would be focused on me and honestly I wasn't diverse to the idea, Matt was the only person I would have wanted to be with anyway, he already knew me and I already knew him but if he thought for even a second that he was going to be a top, he had another thing coming if I was going to have sex with my best friend and soul mate then I was going to take control, as I always did.

'Where did you even get this?" I asked him knowing there was no way he would have gone out to buy a magazine, especially a woman's one

"Found it in a draw in the bathroom, I guess the last people who lived here left it" He replied still looking up at me

I diverted my gaze from the magazine and looked down at the red head. He looked too innocent, almost angelic like. Believe me the guy is far from innocent and even though he seems calm, with the right push he can have the demeanor of a crazy serial killer. He was quiet, antisocial and like me didn't often feel remorse for the lives we...rather I took while on the job, he was I suppose, the perfect candidate for being a lunatic that deserved to be locked up but he was harmless. Unless I gave him strict orders to kill someone he never did, if I told him to beat the shit out of someone until he got me some answers he would gladly do it but he never murdered anyone unless I told him too.

"So your finally getting curious huh?" I asked him with an almost devilish smile

"I'm seventeen years old with a constant erection, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I am more than just curious. It's just a stupid list anyway" Matt replied

He suddenly turned his head away from me but it didn't take a genius to figure out he was blushing. It was rather endearing. I took the magazine and began walking over to the refrigerator to get a block of chocolate. Without tearing my gaze away from the page I opened the fridge, got out the chocolate and closed the door before walking back over to Matt who had stopped blushing and was looking at me again. It was quite the list, even some of the items written had me curious and had to admit that itch that I had worked so hard to ignore was starting to come back.

"Number thirty, have sex in a tent in the wilderness" I read loudly

I handed Matt back the magazine and began to unwrap the foil from around the chocolate. I took a large chunk out of the corner and looked back at the red head.

"I guess that's one bucket list you won't be able to do huh Matty?" I said with a mouth full of the cocoa block

"Are you kidding? Just because it is outdoors I could still do this list you know' He replied

I had to admit, I admired his determination but I knew that there was no way that my Matt, you know, the weird, loner, silent guy I just described, was going to be able to do the sex bucket list, he just didn't have it in him

"Oh really? You honestly think you can do this?" I asked him

"Give me six weeks and I will have it done"

Business was slow anyway and even though I wasn't a fan of these kinds of high school like bets I was rather interested and I figured if Matt had the balls to do the things that I saw written in the magazine then it was worth seeing even if it did mean I would lose, which wasn't a possibility, considering I knew exactly who was going to have to help him commit some of those acts, the only person he could rely on, me, and I had no intention of making it easy on him

"Alright let's make this interesting, You have six weeks to do everything on this list. Either I have to witness it or you need to have some form of proof you did it, if the proof isn't suffice to me it doesn't count and you have to do it again. You can't cheat and you can only use me for ten of those fifty things"

I knew it would end up driving him crazy. He was going to be out of his comfort zone, he was going to be anxious and I was going to hear him beg me to cut the bet short. I was going to have him crying like a little bitch and I was actually intrigued to know which ten he planned on using me for

"Ok but I can do them in whatever order I like and you can't back out if I happen to choose the ones that involve sex to have with you"

I snorted, I never backed out of anything

"Too easy. If I win I want your car, you as my sex slave for whenever the urge is there and you have to quit smoking" I said to him

I knew quitting smoking was going to kill him, as for the sex slave I knew that would have been enough for him wanting to lose but his car. A 1969 Road Runner 383, expensive, fast and sexy and Matt's pride and joy, something he sold his soul for. He let me drive it…rather he had no choice but to let me drive it and I was in love with the machine. I wanted that car for my own and it was the easiest way, next to Matt getting killed, for me to have it.

"Fine, if I win, I want you. In a committed, long term, loving relationship with me. You have to give me a kiss every single morning, every single night and play happy families with me only because I know you're gonna hate it and because I want to hear the words "Matt, I love you" come from your lips and you meaning it and that means if someone asks if you are single you have to say no, if someone asks who I am you have to say your boyfriend"

The idea made my skin crawl, yes I did love Matt but I would never admit to the fact and I certainly didn't have any interest in having some loving, romantic, his and his towels, let's get married in a fucking unicorn garden relationship with him. I loved him but that was nostalgic and I didn't do romance in any shape or form. Sex is one thing but kissing, dates, lovey dovey bullshit…I wasn't looking forward to it but a bet was a bet and besides I had no intention of losing.

"You're on"

Matt smiled at me. A part of me already regretted it but I was ready to kick Matt's ass, possibly both physically and metaphorically speaking. I couldn't be too cruel to the guy, whatever he decided to do to me first I was going to let me just to give him the false sense of security

So here I am. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Matt sucking my cock and me feeling as if I was going to explode like a firework, my fingers were laced in his vibrant red hair, my heart was thrashing in my chest and try as I could to pretend it wasn't really happening the orgasm emerging that created a warmth in my stomach was telling me otherwise. Matt really did have me exceptionally turned on and for a brief moment I was hoping that at the end of six weeks he would win, I could get very used to this loving, sexually open Matt. It was quite exciting and exhilarating.

Number 40 – Perform oral sex on your best friend…so close to completing.


	2. Chapter 2

I found it hard to breathe. My heart felt like it was going to rapture, the fact that Matt seemed to be a natural at what he was doing, not that I had anything to compare it was it was all so surreal. I couldn't even begin to explain how damn happy I was and I was sure that by how hard my fingers were clenching in his hair Matt knew exactly how good he was making me feel.

It was quite intriguing that I hadn't actually came by that point. The things he was doing with his lips and tongue were making me quite literally salivate. I had to raise my hand to my mouth a couple of times just to capture the saliva that had pooled and began to trickle out. My orgasm was close, that much I knew and I couldn't lie having Matt suck me off was making me fall in love with him even more than I already was, something I was not entirely comfortable of but if this kind of thing continued it was going to be unavoidable.

"Matt" I called out to him

I released my hands from his hair so that he could lift it and look at me. He pulled my cock from out of his mouth, wiped his lips with the back of his hand and looked up into my eyes

"What?" he asked

"Don't what me like that, I just need a minute, don't get your fucking panties in a twist alright?"

He was eager to keep going which was why I made him stop. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he could make me cum, at least not yet anyway I wanted to make him wait. I wanted him to get frustrated. I don't know why I derived pleasure out of knowing Matt was annoyed, I suppose because he so calm and serene all the time that it is like aggravating a sleeping snake and I am just waiting for that moment for him to snap and finally lash out. I suppose seeing an aggressive and more dominant side to him was something that I knew would fuel my fire that burned for the guy.

He just continued to look at me silently. I didn't know how but in many ways Matt was able to see right through me, he always could. It didn't matter what kind of over the top emotion I was displaying he knew the real me and he was the only person I let see me for everything I truly was.

"Don't look at me like that" I said to him somewhat demanding

"I'm not looking at you in any particular way" Matt replied, purposely trying to start an argument

I was already well aware why he liked to push me; he knew the moment we started fighting that by the end of it I was so emotionally drained that I had a very peculiar side effect that was not like me at all. When I become tired I become very mushy. I become affectionate and liked the warmth of Matt's body next to mine; this is why I trained myself to be an insomniac. I didn't get tired and I was able to control myself a bit more, emotionally speaking. It was extremely rare that, that side of me came out but it did still happen so I usually fucked off once the argument started and went somewhere to let off steam, more commonly the firing range.

'Don't give me that bullshit you're looking at me like you're in love with me" I replied

His eyes were looking at me like he was utterly infatuated, I knew that he loved me but I would have never imagined my Matt falling in love, especially with me. I was really no good for him but we couldn't be separated, it was a psychological thing. If Matt was genuinely in love with me than he was a fool, because I wasn't the type of person people loved, I wasn't the type anyone even liked so it seemed so damn impossible

"That's probably because I am in love with you" Matt replied with an eyebrow cocked as if he was confused as to why I had said what I did

He had to be lying and I hated it when he lied to me he made me want to punch him, hard.

'Don't be fucking stupid…just finish what you were doing and shut up" I growled at him

"I don't know why you find it so hard to believe, but it's true" He said before taking my slightly softened cock in his mouth again

I wanted to forget what he had said, but at least it distracted me from cumming. I don't know why he found it necessary to say what he did. It wasn't going to accomplish anything and I certainly didn't want to take it seriously. He was a good guy and I wasn't so I really couldn't understand why he would feel the need to feel or say he felt something that was classed as a strong emotion towards me. I was left slightly confused and I hated it. Matt really couldn't be in love with me, he had to be saying it just to get a rise out of me, there was no way it was true.

He was making my entire body shake, my throat felt dry and the urgency to cum was so high that I could have sworn if any more pressure was applied my taut cock would have split in two. His lips, his tongue, his warm breath everything about what he was doing to me was euphoric and as much as I tried to suppress it I could hear a moan escape my mouth followed by some very heavy panting

"Nnnh…Matt, it feels so good" I found myself crying out

I felt pathetic but I couldn't help myself, Matt was making me fall hard and I wanted to hurt him for it. I would actually never intentionally hurt Matt, I wanted to, I wanted to badly but I would never do anything that could kill him. He was my right hand man and as much as I hated to admit it I did rely on him a lot and without his help I probably never would have got as far as I had.

My orgasm was close. It was going to be the first time I came from someone else. I had masturbated plenty of times before, when I was stressed or just horny it sufficed but I had a funny feeling that after what Matt was doing to me masturbation was not going to feel the same as it used to, as bad as it sounded I was going to have to use Matt as a source of release.

I could feel my toes curl slightly in my boots, my hands gripped hold of the sheet and I held my breath. I could almost feel the tears starting to form in my eyes but before they could cascade down I felt that release. One stream after another shot out of me like a cannon and into Matt's throat.

I don't know what surprised me more; the fact that he had milked every last drop out of me or that he swallowed the entire load, without spilling even a single bead. I had to say I was rather impressed especially since I had always seen him as someone sweet and innocent, he wasn't the same boy I grew up with and it just seemed so stupid that, that particular thought shocked me. Matt was grown up, as was I…I didn't know why we hadn't done anything like it sooner, we loved each other, we weren't kids anymore and I wasn't going to go out a fuck some stranger considering I could switch my moods within seconds and if they pissed me off I probably would have killed them. I was starting to wonder if it was a mistake that I let him blow me but it felt so damn good, as much I like to have things planned out I wasn't so sure I was going to be able to make anything difficult for him especially since I was the one reaping the benefits.

After a shower and a change of bed sheets we ended up lying in the bed silently. Matt and I had always shared a bed, ever since the night after we met. I guess it was kind of strange but I suppose I made him feel safe. I could have protested but I quite liked the warmth that came off of him and if lying next to me was what made Matt happy I could hardly complain. He never tried to touch me, even in his sleep, I had once woken up after about forty minutes of sleep with his forehead resting against my shoulder blade but his hands weren't touching me at all. He has always been respectable towards me like that. I have never said that he couldn't touch me or banned him from cuddling me at night but somehow he just kept his distance in fear he would offend me and cause me to over react. It seemed stupid, Matt knew me better than he knew himself and it did piss me off that he thought I would lose the plot at him just for touching me. I wasn't homophobic nor was I gay, it was all the same to me, love and sex was the same whether it was with a man or a woman, people have too much emphasis on labeling things instead of just accepting it for what it is and he knew that so I didn't get, especially since he said he was in love with me, why he had to sleep on the furthest other side of the bed, so much so that he was nearly falling off. Something was still bothering me, it had been what he said earlier during my sublime blow job.

"Did you mean what you said?" I asked him

Our backs facing each other, I really couldn't look at him because I knew if I did I would blush. I was still having after effects of what happened earlier. Matt was incredible, I don't know how he learned to give head like that but crossing off number forty- give your best friend oral sex was more than a privilege. Although of course he chose me for it he didn't have friends and even if he did I knew he would have never been comfortable enough with them to have given them a blow job, their loss…

"Of course I meant it, I don't just say things cause I feel like it" He replied

I turned over onto my back. I still didn't understand it, I couldn't fathom how it was possible for him to be in love with me. I was a bad apple, everyone knew it and yet he still didn't hate me. I wasn't always nice to him, if something pissed me off, even if it was something unrelated he suffered for it. I was nasty to him more often than not and yet he never once left me even if I told him to fuck off and I never wanted to see him again, he never left me. He dealt with my bullshit and even to that day he never once asked me for everything so I needed to know why, I needed to know why he loved me and why he never left me

'Why?" I said sternly

I felt him shift next to me and he rolled onto his side so he was facing me. He really was grown up, his eyes told his story, I could see everything in them including the pain he never expressed in any way. I had never seen Matt cry, he was emotionally and mentally strong, like a damn bomb shelter. He didn't let things hurt him or bother him he just powered through and tried to forget it. I had seen it before when I had hurt him, he just brushed it off and continued to treat me like it had never happened, He was so…alien-like.

Our eyes connected and even though I hadn't looked down, by the way he was trying to cover it up I could tell that he was aroused.

"Because you are the other half of me. You are my heart, mind, body and soul. Without you I don't exist. I've always been in love with you for that" He replied

It was the sweetest thing I had ever heard, I wasn't going to tell him that but there and then I wanted to be inside of him, I actually wanted to, without trying to sound like a love struck teenage girl, make love to him, or fuck him which ever came out.

"You're insane" I replied

"Maybe, but it doesn't mean I will ever feel any differently towards you. It's only cause I respect you so damn much that I won't fucking touch you without you saying it's ok first"

"And if you were any kind of a man you wouldn't fucking worry about getting permission, you'd just fucking do it. Do you think I am going to beat the shit out of you if you want to hold me at night? Do you honestly think that of all people I would actually physically hurt you for lying close to me? You are a fucking idiot if you think that Matt"

I was starting to become extremely frustrated with him. He was a smart guy so his stupidity was astounding. We were the closest thing to family either of us had, he was my best and closest friend and he was the only one I wanted to die with.

"I love you, I don't want to do something you won't like"

"Who says I won't like it?" I said loudly become even more frustrated

He suddenly sat up and looked down at me

"If I hold you I will end up wanting to have sex with you and not for that stupid list. I agreed to it because I wanted to be with you, I don't even give a fuck if I have to quit smoking or if I lose the car, all I have ever wanted is you and if me doing this list shows you that I would do anything to make you proud of me then I don't care what I have to give up or what I have to do"

Proud of him? That was one of the reasons why he agreed to doing the bet because he wanted me to be proud of him. He was such a fool, I had always been proud of him and it was his own fault if he was too much of an idiot to see that. As for the sex thing well that was obvious. Matt loved me and we were both horny teenagers who were very attractive so it only seemed natural that the moment he hugged me he would want me to fuck him or the other way around, which was never going to happen.

"Moron…I am proud of you, I always have been. So just shut up and hold me, go to sleep" I barked at him.

I turned back over onto my side, with my back facing him and waited. I didn't have to wait long before I could feel that warmth on my back and his hard cock pressing against my ass. To be honest I wasn't as diverse to the feeling of a dick against my ass as I thought it would be and with only two pairs of silk boxer shorts separating that part of our bodies things were starting to really heat up.

He wrapped his arm around my hips and rested his hand over my abdomen. He nuzzled his lips against my neck and I could have sworn I heard him smell my long golden blonde hair. He was so fucking weird sometimes

"…How big is your cock anyway? It feels like there is a cucumber poking me in the ass" I asked him

Oddly enough in the many years we had known each other we had never seen one another naked, it was the first time today that Matt had ever seen my cock and by the look on his face he was rather impressed.

"Nine and a half inches" He replied

I was a little taken aback he was actually only slightly bigger than I was but from what I could feel poking me his member was somewhat thinner than mine. The poor guy was going to be in agony when we eventually ended up having sex.

I felt his lips rest against my ear again and slowly his hand began to glide downwards until his fingers found the waist band of my boxers shorts. I closed my eyes as I felt him slip his hand underneath the silken fabric and he began to trace my semi-hard length slowly

"I'm gonna jerk you off" He whispered into my ear

I could hardly blame my red head for how he was acting. Just because we weren't the typical seventeen and eighteen year olds it didn't mean that we didn't crave the same things. Matt was horny which was normal, for both of us and the more aroused he became so did I and soon my cock wasn't just semi-hard it was fully erect and I didn't want a hand job, I wanted to fuck my best friend.

"Is that on your list?" I asked him after swallowing hard

"No, I just wanna do it…is that ok if I do?" He asked me

I craned my neck so I could look at him in the eyes

'What the fuck did I say to you?" I asked him with exasperation

"To just fucking do it" He replied

"Right, so just fucking do it"

I repositioned my head back to it's original place and he wrapped his palm around my cock and began to stroke it firmly but slowly. I could feel the skin gliding back and forth, slightly lubed up from the pre-cum I began to leak and judging from the wet patch I could feel against my ass my cock wasn't the only one that was showing it's excitement.


	3. Chapter 3

The sensation of the moistness against my ass was rather odd. It wasn't exactly a common thing to happen to me, I had slept in the same bed as Matt plenty of timed but because of the distance he kept between us I had no idea that he could be so easily aroused but then he wasn't the only one who had a crying cock.

"Jesus fucking Christ! I can't take it anymore, hurry up and take off your shorts we may as well get this over and done with!"

I ended up yelling, becoming excessively frustrated with how slow paced everything was and even though I refused to admit it loudly the more I laid there with him against me the harder I was finding it to stop myself from telling him how I really felt about him and I was not ready to deal with Matt knowing that.

The truth was I would have preferred if it did last as long as possible. I was already horny, I loved Matt and I suddenly didn't care if he ended up winning the bet. I just wanted to fuck him, I desperately wanted to cum inside of him and I really couldn't explain why…although I assumed the more I saw him as an object of sex the less I would be constantly reminded that I was madly in love with the guy.

I could hear Matt laugh softly as he pulled away from me and laid on his back. I instantly turned and looked at him, curious as to what he found so damn amusing. He just smirked like a damn Cheshire cat and it pissed me off only because I knew that whatever he was thinking there was a good chance I wasn't going to like it.

"What's so damn funny?" I barked at him with seriousness

'Nothing" He replied

I was about to punch him in the arm and if need be continue beating him until he gave me an honest answer

"It's just sometimes you remind me why I love you" Matt continued

I couldn't believe what he had said, I could have sworn he felt no shame, he was quiet all the time and then moments like these he had such a big mouth I couldn't help but wonder sometimes which one was the real Matt, the quiet, loner antisocialist or the loudmouthed cocky bastard who said the most embarrassing things…truthfully I was already well aware that they were both Matt, it was just no one but me bared witnessed to the one man show.

"Are you still thinking that sentimental bullshit? Just take your damn shorts off already will you, if we are going to fuck we may as well do it now'

I was suddenly taken aback when he removed the silk boxer shorts off of his body and tossed them down onto the floor. I couldn't quite believe that not only was he already hard but the fact that what I was staring at was not what I had honestly expected…not that I had ever wondered what Matt had hiding under those jeans he wore often…Alright so the thought ay have crossed my mind once or twice but that's to be expected when you know someone for as long as I have known Matt and never once seen the guy naked but now as I was staring at his cock I was blind sighted. It was thick, large and long and if I had to take a guess I would have said pure lust surging through the better than average at least nine and a half inches appendage. He was close to my own size but dare I admit maybe even slightly thicker than my own. I honestly couldn't stop staring, I was completely baffled.

"What the hell is that?" I found my self asking as I pointed to his taut member

He looked down at it and then back at me still with that damn addictive smile on his face

"That would be my cock" He replied trying his hardest not to laugh

Once again I felt like punching him

"I CAN SEE THAT YOU MORON, I MEAN WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU WERE THAT BIG!" I yelled loudly

Matt really didn't have a reason to share such information with me. It wasn't like any of the conversations we ever had over the years had actually been about cock size, after all this little bet we had going on was the only reason why he had given me head to begin with and the main reason why we were about to have sex.

"Well…I didn't honestly think you would want to know" Matt replied

I managed to draw my attention away from the throbbing and engorged member that had me spellbound. I looked into his emerald green eyes and just shook my head

"You knew damn well that eventually we would be having sex so you could have given me a little heads up to the fact that I would have that staring at me the whole time we were fucking"

That was when he completely took me by surprise. He suddenly sat up and grasped hold of my hand and moved it so it was resting on his cock. The first thing I felt was shock, not only was this dominant side coming out but the fact he actually put my hand against the rigid and swollen member the next thing that registered was the heat that was coming off of it. It was if I had placed my hand too close to an open flame and I was feeling the burn from it. Oddly enough I didn't even try to move my hand away from him. It was strange but holding Matt's cock in the palm of my hand had turned me on to the point where he wasn't the only one that was completely erect.

"You can try and hide it, you can try to deny it but I know you well enough to know that no matter what you say that you love me, even if it's just a little. You can't tell me that the damn list is the only reason why we are doing this. You can feel it, right now, I'm not turned on because of what's about to happen, I'm turned on because of who it is with. You may hate hearing it but I do love you" He said to me

He released my hand but I couldn't move it away. I didn't want what he said to affect me but it was very obvious that it had and there was no way I could avoid it. He saw right through me, no matter how tough I tried to sound, no matter how much I tried to convince myself Matt wasn't what I wanted I knew it was a lie. I did want Matt, I wanted to fuck him, kiss him and even spend the rest of my life doing so. I wanted to pretend that the only reason we were even doing this was because of the list but truthfully, I wanted to do this because I wanted Matt, a part of me knew that once we did sleep together I would officially own him. It would fuel my need to have some sense of superiority; even it was to fulfill my own ego. I was crazy about him and as his words penetrated me and as the heat from his cock rose up and enveloped my like a blanket I knew there was no doubting it I was very much in love with him and I didn't even care how weak that made me seem or the fact he was another guy, he was my exception and there was no way in hell I was ever going to be willing to share something that belonged to me.

He pressed his lips against my neck and began to kiss my slightly sensitive flesh slowly. As he caressed the nape of my neck with his mouth he placed his hand on the waist band of my boxer shorts and the moment his hand slipped past the elastic I knew there was no doubt in my mind that this is what I wanted.

He continued the soft osculation's on my neck as he began to rub my cock with his hand, gliding in back and forth over my shaft and as he did I could feel more pre-cum escape the glistening scarlet red head that was almost too painful and sensitive to be touched but I wasn't someone who gave up so I dealt with it knowing that soon enough pain would not be an issue.

He pulled his mouth away from my skin and looked up as I kneeled beside him. Our eyes connected and I had to swallow hard to try and hold back from cumming there and then. He was a natural and being able to turn me on, it would have been that he was just born to be gay or it could have been because he loved me that this animalistic hungry side of Matt was coming to the surface, after all I knew that this was something he craved for, I had known for quite some time how Matt felt about me, I just didn't want to believe, rather I forced myself to believe it was an impossibility.

As he continued to jerk me off in slow, long even strokes I leaned down into him and placed my lips close to his. I took in his warm breath and the scent of lust that poured off of him. His hand was loving and kind and his eyes were just as enchanting and I really couldn't stand the thought of someone else seeing that. He was intelligent, funny, brave and a bit of a bad boy and to think of someone else touching the one thing in the world that mattered most to me made my stomach feel slightly queasy, I couldn't have it, I was going to have to tell him. As much as I didn't want to I knew eventually I would let it slip, he had to know that he wasn't going to be doing that bucket list with anyone else, if he still felt he needed to prove something for me and since I had a thirst to always win I had hoped he would still live up to the challenge, even if it meant our status was no longer just best friends but fucking partners and also in a committed relationship. I was finally ready to tell Matt how exactly I felt and there was no backing down or making excuses anymore


	4. Chapter 4

_MWAH thank you all for your reviews love you guys xx Sorry for the last chapter being so short. I am so busy with working and trying to up keep all my ongoing fan-fics that I am pressed for time so please forgive me. As you have probably gathered by now this fan-fic is going to have plenty of lemons and I have been watching some gay porn recently…for studying purposes…Since I am not a gay male I just kinda needed some ideas and better descriptions then my usual so hopefully I do a better job than I have in the past. Anyway lots of love to you all xx K Quinn_

"Matt?" I panted loudly

It was amazing what that boy could do with his hands, then all the years of playing video games finally became useful. He continued to look at me with adoring eyes, it never really bothered me the way he looked at me, he made me feel like I was the best thing since automatic shotguns, and even though was, he always seemed to put me on a pedestal in his mind, I already knew it would have been hard for either of us to walk away from what we already had, even though there was times where I wanted to, he did mean everything to me and I did need him in my life. I could have done my job without him, I could have survived without him, I could have just whored around without him but I needed him, for my sanity and plus he was obedient and I could trust him to keep his mouth shut if we ever happened to be caught by the cops, not that it would ever happen, I always have a plan for everything.

"Yeah?' He said to me

I looked into those emerald orbs and the words were on my tongue, I was going to say it. I felt the churning in my stomach and the pounding of my heart, I had never once told him I even liked him let alone anything else but I figured being a smart guy we would be able to figure it all out without me having to say anything

"I…I think I'm gonna cum if you keep going"

I couldn't do it. It wasn't the time to be spouting of cheesy lovey dovey bullshit. I couldn't openly admit to the guy that I loved him. What if he saw the admission as my being weak and what if he took advantage of it and tried to be all romantic with me? I knew I had to tell him but I still had time this was his second list item he was using on me there was still eight to go and maybe by then I would have the balls to say it but for now I was just ready for some good old fashion fucking

"Sorry" he said to me as he pulled his hand away from my rigid cock that was lightly lubricated with pre-cum

It didn't stop him from tugging down on my waist band and sliding my shorts down my legs, resting them on my thigh. The silk was warm from my body and I could feel the coolness of the wet patch that was created form my dripping cock. The air around us was humid and the sweat began to form on my body and cascade down towards the patch of flaxen colored hair that rested just above my pulsating and solid member that lightly jumped every now and then whenever I thought about fucking Matt…My Matt…

"Where do you want me?' He asked me

I had no idea, it wasn't like I studied gay porn or went out of me way to watch two men fuck but the one thing I could think of, that seemed to make sense and from what I could conclude would get us both off was to have him on all fours so I could fuck him from behind. I had kept a bottle of lubrication get in my bedside drawer, I know it seems like an odd thing for someone who has never had sex before to have however not only does it feel great to use while masturbating, I had figured a long time ago that eventually, for one reason or another that Matt and I would end up having sex. I didn't know it was going to happen like this and I didn't know I would be so excited for it to happen but I was and I really couldn't imagine fucking anyone else, it had to be, and would always be Matt.

"Turn around, get on your knees and put your palms on the mattress" I said to him as if I had any clue what the hell I was talking about

But nevertheless he did exactly what I asked him to do. The moment he was in front of me I could help but take a good look at his body. His skin was almost like china, smooth, unblemished, velvety. He just looked…beautiful. I never really realized how pale his skin was until I was looking at his back and ass and even I had to admit he had a cute ass, it was firm and the skin looked just as smooth as the rest of him and completely hairless. I couldn't help but reach out and place my palm against his left side, I dragged my hand over his flesh which instantly bunched into goosebumps. It made me smile that his body was so sensitive to my touch.

"Ticklish?' I asked him as he squirmed slightly as I continued to trace my hand over his ribs and then along his left ass cheek and outside of his leg

"No, it's just strange" he replied

I wasn't sure if that was his way of saying he wanted out but it wasn't going to happen if he loved me and wanted me then he was going to have what I was going to give. I could understand if he was apprehensive about the pain but I wasn't so cruel as to just stick my cock in his ass and fuck him until he bled. I was not a nice guy but I had my limits, I would have never hurt Matt like that.

"I won't hurt you, you know" I tried to calm his nerves

"It's not the pain I am worried about'

"Then what's the problem?"

I reached over to my bedside cupboard and retrieved the bottle of clear jelly. I got back into position and popped open the cap, squeezing some of the gel onto my right index and middle finger before shifting to bottle a little distance from me I was sure I was going to need it again anyway.

'That once the list it's done it's just gonna be like it was before"

I instinctively rolled my eyes, Matt was a smart guy, not as intelligent as me but he was still cluey so what I couldn't understand was why he hadn't figured out that I liked him…loved him. It could have been he lack of social experiences that he couldn't read things like flirting and sexual innuendo or maybe he just didn't think someone like me could love someone like him, either way it was clear I was going to have to be more obvious with the guy.

"Don't be so sure…"

I figured the best way to finish the conversation was as if I started doing what I assumed I should have been doing. I placed one of the lubed fingers against his entrance and took a deep, silent breath before easing it inside of him. I half expected a scream of pain but there was nothing other than a deep groan of what sounded like pleasure. The sensation was strange to say the least, his muscle tightened around my finger, lightly convulsing with every thrust. He was extremely snug I honestly couldn't imagine my cock fitting in such a confined space but I was going to figure out a way to make it so

"How does it feel?" I asked him, not out of concern but curiosity, if it really hurt him I was sure he would have let me know

"Fucking good, I want more" He said in between heavy panting

I must admit I was a little shock but most aroused. Hearing him say he wanted more just proved my point that he was a lot stronger then he looked. You wouldn't pick it looking at him but when worse came to worse Matt could handle himself well, I could trust him alone with a job knowing he would return home unharmed and that was the benefit of having someone who I knew would gladly kill for me and die for me working for me, I always knew, no matter what Matt would be alright

Upon his request I slipped the second finger in. He moaned out loudly and hissed at the intrusion but still no sign of pain or discomfort and since it was his first time it did have me rather curious but my instincts and curiosities could wait. It felt incredibly tight, the muscles contracted harder and faster and he had completely swallowed my fingers. By the time I was knuckle deep inside of me I had that feeling of not being able to control myself once again, I wanted that to be my cock, I wanted to feel Matt's body close in around my member squeezing and swallowing like he was doing to my fingers. I continued to thrust my fingers inside of him, each time I pulled out and pushed them back in he let out a rather pathetic cry and yet that made me even more aroused

"You like that Matt?" I asked him with a devilish smile

"Mmm, more Mello, I want more" He cried out again, his voice filled with a desperate urgency, I am not sure what turned him on more the fact that he was being fucked with fingers or that it was because it was me doing it but because I am a nice guy…occasional, I decided to give him what he wanted, after all if it hurt him it would be his own fault for being so demanding when he knew very well I wore the pants, he just went along with whatever I decided.

I removed my fingers from out of him. Once the digits were out I heard a whine of disappointment come from him

"You do realize how much of a slut you seem begging like that?" I asked him

I grabbed the tube of lube that I placed near me earlier and grasped hold of it. I popped open the cap and began to squeeze the cold gel onto my cock, that was throbbing with an unrelenting pulse of desire. I couldn't quite believe how much Matt had aroused me, I already knew I loved the guy and I already knew that I was attracted to him but hearing him moan and cry out the way he did had me in a complete submissive state to my primal urges, something that I always controlled.

"What do you expect when I am finally having the one thing I have always wanted, it's not often I get my own way Mello so give me a break" Matt replied

His response made me smile especially since it was completely true. It wasn't that I never did give Matt what he wanted it was that he never asked for anything. I wasn't psychic, I couldn't just guess what he wanted so it was unreasonable for anyone to expect me to be able to give him what he desired

"So you've always wanted this huh? To have my cock in you?" I asked him

I dispersed the liquid all around my member and positioned it to his slightly stretched warmth. I placed the tip right up against him and waited a moment for him to reply

"Please, I would have settled for a kiss, this is beyond a fantasy"

He made me smile again, he really did know how to flatter me.

I pressed harder into him and slowly and with plenty of friction the head of my cock began to push past the ring of walls and inside of him. I watched his hands grip hold of the bedding tightly, so strongly in fact it was any wonder that it didn't tear. It was official list item numbers 2 and 15, have anal and have sex doggy style were done.

"NNNHN! FUCK!" He cried out loudly as I began to push more of my meat inside of his tight ass.

The feeling of those muscles strangling my length was a tough thing to handle. I wanted to cum right in that moment, it was snug, warm, constricting and I fucking loved it. It was a definite certain I was gay and more than happy to be.

'Does it hurt?" I asked him whilst I breathed heavily, I tried so damn hard to control that urge to orgasm, it felt so damn good inside my red head

"No..It feels good" He replied

He still gripped hold of the sheet and his breathing was hard, deep and fast. I wanted him to accept more of me but I found it hard to push any more inside of him, his muscle were so tight that it was difficult to even start thrusting and with more than half still needing to delve into the warmth he needed to relax more

"You have to relax Matt, I can't get it all the way in" I snarled, it was frustrated that no matter how hard I push it just wouldn't budge

I placed my hands on his hips and glided my hands over the flesh, trying to help him to relax. I touched him gently and the more I did the more flaccid he became. My cock edged a little deeper inside of him.

'That's it, baby, just a little more"

I didn't even realize I had called him baby until the word escaped my lips and he moaned and mewed loudly at not only my cock pushing deeper inside of him but the fact I had just pet named him. He was so easily pleased, that's why I loved him so much, happy, easily joyed, never asked for anything and was just calm, he was good for me.

"AH…OH MY FUCKING GOD, RIGHT THERE!' He suddenly yelled

It made me jump slightly when I thought I had hurt him but he had become so relaxed that he was like putty in my hands. I could hear by the sound of the scream that it was a good thing not a bad thing so I tested it by pulling out of him slightly and back in and again he mewed in pleasure and his body quaked.

"Do you like that Matty?" I asked smiling as if I were now some sort of sex God.

"Oh fuck yes I do, it feels so damn good!" He cried out

I continued to thrust in and out of him and the faster I did the closer I was to cumming, I knew he was close too when he grasped hold of his cock and began to jerk himself off, there was no build up in speed, the moment he wrapped his hand around the large appendage he went swiftly and tightly, he wanted to cum just as badly as I did.

I was panting heavily, sweat started to trickle down my body and my throat was dry. The sensation of his mucles wrapping my cock tightly was driving me wild and the sounds that came out of his mouth, because of me were taking me to the edge. The warming I felt in my stomach as my orgasm grew nearer was becoming more heated and I knew at any moment I was going to cum.

"Oh fuck Matt, you feel fucking amazing" I said in a hoarse and slightly broken rough voice

"I'm gonna cum Mello"

I grasped hold of his hips tightly and pulled back on them, without instructing him he draw himself up on his knees and placed his back against my chest. I could feel the sweat pool between us as I continued to fuck him while he stroked himself

"Look at me" I said to him

He craned his head slightly and instantly our eyes connected. I could see a lot of love and lust in those hypnotizing emerald pools and I began to feel weak for him. I could have said I loved him there and then but I stopped myself from letting it spill instead I took my mouth with his and as our lips collided in a heated and moist embrace I slipped my tongue past my lips and into the deep caverns of his mouth. That was all it took, the moment I could feel his tongue brush mine I lost that control. My cock stiffened to a point where I thought it was going to split, the head pulsed at a quick pace and I couldn't stop kissing Matt. I felt the first stream of cum leave my body followed quickly by another five. I managed to pull away from his mouth and as I stared into his eyes I could see him release as well. I didn't even care that it made a mess on bed, I really didn't give a shit about anything except that I had just experienced the most joyful I had ever in my life. I had just had sex with my best friend who I was deeply in love with

We were both panting loudly and covered in sweat. I could feel my cock soften and began to slide out of him. We just continued to stare at each other. I could feel both of our hearts pounding hard and it wasn't just because of sex either.

"Matt? that was your first time wasn't it?" I asked him finally addressing my earlier curiosity

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you weren't in pain and being fucked in the ass by a large cock should have hurt you" I replied still not pulling away from him

"It does hurt but I can ignore it, I just wanted to be with you, that is all that matters to me and you will always be the only one that matters to me, the pain will fade" He replied

I smiled at him and pressed my lips to his again, kissing him softly and gently.

"I really do love you Mello, even if you don't love me in the same way but I'll always follow you to the ends of the earth, I'll never leave your side no matter what that means for me" his voice was calm and sweet and sincere

He certainly was the romantic. As I looked into his eyes I could feel the words trying to escape.

" I want you to win the bet" I said to him

He looked at me almost in shock

"I know you have a lot of determination and I won't make it easy for you but I want you to win, I want to see just how far you can push yourself" I continued

'Does that mean…?" He asked me

I nodded my head at him. That was all that needed to be said and done.


	5. Chapter 5

_Oh My Gods you guys fucking rock thank you for your reviews and favorites they have made me all giddy. This chapter might not contain a lemon, I'm not sure until I start writing but chapter will be rather interesting when Mello discovers a foreplay action that he is never heard of…and his reaction is gonna be priceless. Please do enjoy and I will try to update as soon as possible_

I left well before he would have woken up. There was a sickening feeling in my stomach that I couldn't distinguish of being good or bad. Once I arrived at the underground headquarters to spend the day cleaning up after the incompetent morons that worked for me I could feel anger starting to boil up inside of me.

I walked into my "office", a room in the basement that consist of nothing more than a comfortable leather chair, a desk and a crappy plastic outdoors chair on the other side, and sat down to unwrap the block of chocolate I took in with me. Chocolate was my vice, much like Matt's was smoking, unlike his though, unless it was via chocking, I couldn't see my addiction killing me.

I was soon approached by a lackey that was the least aggravating fuck up that followed my orders. I could have saved myself the trouble and just killed them all but it's not like you can place an ad in the newspaper saying obedient jackoff's who knew how to fire a weapon wanted to serve the best Mafia lord in the world who also happens to have fabulous dress sense. Even if it were possible no one would apply because people are scared of me and with good reason.

I have been told before I look rather innocent looking, the first time was three years ago when some rich bastard who claimed he owned over seventy percent of the bars in New York tried to fuck me, it's needless to say that guy never walked out alive. I am far more deadlier then I appear, it's the leather and faux feathers and fur that makes people automatically assume I am just some little faggot who is willing to bend over for anyone I wouldn't even let the one person the means something to me fuck me so people often made that grave mistake.

As much as I would like to handle my job on my own, I just can't. I can't be in two places at once, I'm good at what I do but I am not some damn superhero with lightening speed.

The lackey sat down across from me. I assumed it was bad news because typically even those goons avoided me like the Bubonic Plague so just to reiterate that I was not in the mood to deal with any bullshit I reached into the waistband of my wet look leather pants and pulled out the 9mm I kept on me or near me at all times and rested it on the table so he knew that if he pissed me off I would not hesitate to pull the trigger.

He looked at my weapon and then back at me, they always looked so damn scared to be looking at me. They should have considered themselves lucky I gave them the privilege of doing so. But the only person that had ever looked at me with admiration and love was Matt, he wasn't scared of me and even though he probably should have it was a slight comfort knowing that he didn't see me like everyone else did, he saw my in a different light which was probably mostly his false delusion.

I took a chunk out of the chocolate block and waited for him to say something.

'Your skin is glowing, you must have got some last night"

It pissed me off when my subordinates spoke to me as if we were friends but what he said made me rather curious; it astounded me that someone could assume something like that from ones skin complexion, even though it was true

"If I had that is none of your damn business now, is it?"

He swallowed hard and looked at me with fear

"Sorry boss that was outta line"

It amused me that even people who claimed to be hard asses were so quick to apologize to me.

"Whatever, I have other important shit to deal with. Is there any news to the rumored upcoming cartel war?" I asked with exasperation

It had been rumored that because of my reputation I had pissed a few people off and enemy clans were supposedly declaring war on myself and anyone associated with me. Personally I didn't give a shit I would deal with it if and when it happened but I was concerned for one reason, Matt. Regardless of what happened between us he was still my best friend and even though I knew he could handle anything that was thrown our way he was still the only person aside from me that knew everything about our business. The under the table transactions, the drug and weapon smuggling, the personal vendetta's, everything. He was my right hand man and if someone were to come to know that he was a human bank vault of secrets and in the off chance they managed to get hold of him he would have been tortured for information. I knew that no matter what happened to him he would never say anything, that didn't worry me but the idea of someone torturing and ultimately killing someone that not only meant everything to me but someone that belonged to me did not settle well in my stomach

I had to see Matt

'Nothing yet boss but they'd make the effort to do everything incognito" He replied

I swallowed the mouthful I had

"The get the fuck out of here and go find out and call Matt tell him I want to see him"

He left without argument or complaint.

I could feel my heart palpitating at the thought of something happening to Matt. He was extremely loyal to me, even as kids if I had beat the shit out of someone because they pissed me off he never once ratted me out, he protected me and always had. I was the last person that needed any form of protection but no matter what I did or say Matt always had my back and without him knowing I always had his as well. He was safer with me at HQ then alone in the apartment we shared, I rather have him here where I knew he was safe until I felt like going home.

I had inexplicably told Matt that I had loved him and although I didn't regret it I was pissed off that I let something like that be known in a moment of weakness. I wasn't a weak person and my only flaw was in my personality fueled by a hatred for a rival that I detested with a passion however when it came to Matt, it was obvious that if something were to happen to him I knew that my violent streak would be amplified, to lose the only person that you cared about…I guess it would have made even the strongest of men buckle at the knees.

Being with him I had felt like he found a side of me that I never knew existed, he made me feel the one emotion I never quite grasped hold of expressing so easily, happiness. Anger, frustration, sadness they were all easy but to feel joy…there wasn't a single moment with him where I wanted to kill someone, I wasn't in a rage or upset I was just content and that was something that was extremely rare but when I was alone with him I felt a sort of calm wash over me.

As I sat there thinking about him I could feel my cock twitch, after what happened between us the night previously I couldn't help but feel aroused when he entered my mind. It could have been the lustful screams of delight that left his mouth, it could have been that even though he was in an intense amount of pain and still ignored it because he was with me or it could have been that he was so damn tight that he made me want to cum the moment my cock was shoved in his ass…it could have been anything really but I didn't care what it was I was very much sexually attracted to Matt and as odd it seemed I did mean what I said to him I wanted him to win the bet for the reason that what he wanted if he won, he wanted me to be with him. I hated the sentimental mushy bullshit, it wasn't like me. I was the kind that figured love was impossible, even as a kid I didn't believe such a feeling could exist in a human heart, maybe it's because I was and still am so angry most of the damn time but that was just who it was. But I had come to love Matt, confusing as it was, I did truly love him

Matt wasn't like anyone I had ever met before. Most when they look at me shine anxiety and fear and will do anything I say simply because they are worried I will kill them, I had a reputation of being cutthroat and ruthless, I didn't believe in second chances once you fucked me over that was it you had a ticket straight to hell but Matt, he did everything I asked him to do because he loved me, he wanted me to be happy and he wanted to prove that I could always trust him and rely on him. He wasn't scared of me or expected me to be a certain way he accepted me for everything I was and that was more than someone like me could ask for. I really was a bitch for that guys love…and it made me feel sick

I didn't realize how much time I had wasted thinking about Matt. I ate the rest of my chocolate and as I sat there, legs up on the table, resting back into the chair and wondering whether if I should save myself the trouble of an impending war and just rampage the enemy clans and killed everyone, I made myself smile. I was a tactical thinker and there was nothing but built up anger and the thrill of bloodshed that bought that idea on but my thoughts were soon distracted when I saw a pair of blue jeans, tucked into mid length black boots and the bottom half of a long sleeve black and red shirt covered with a sleeveless tan jacket with white fur trimming coming down the stairs. The basement was like a bomb shelter and with the doors closed it was completely sound proof which meant we could say or do anything without raising suspicion.

"You took your damn time" I said to him as he reached the bottom of the stairs

As usual his vermillion colored hair was in a whimsical mess, like he had just got out of bed, an unlit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth and those damn stupid looking goggles resting over his eyes. I know why he kept them; it was a sentimental thing, much like the rosary I wore around my neck. He had always been interested in gaming and when we were kids he once mentioned that the screens were always too bright so I happened to come across a kid who also liked playing video games in the orphanage we grew up in and he was wearing those ridiculous goggles, I went out of my way to ask him why he wore them and he said it stopped the screen being so bright when I asked them for them and he said no…well I just took them anyway and gave them to Matt, the strap was a little worse for wear over the years of stretching them over his head, but even if he wasn't playing some mindless video game he still wore them. He kept them because it was the first gift, even though stolen, that I had given him.

"I had a legitimate excuse" He replied

He walked over to me and stood behind the chair. I half expected him to pull some romantic greeting kiss on me but he didn't. It really wasn't a surprise since he did know me well enough to know that I did things when I was ready. I didn't like people telling me what to do and when to do it whether it was with words or actions and because Matt never did anything to intentionally piss me off he just went about as if nothing happened between us which is what I wanted until I was ready to give him some form of affection.

He held the list in front of me and with a glove covered hand (doing what we did we always wore gloves. It was a force of habit so it wasn't odd that either of us wore them even when we were just hanging around) he pointed to one of the items on the list. I looked up and read what was written. It may come as a surprise to you but I am not or never have been a sexual deviate of any kind. I don't know much about it accept the obvious but when it comes to terminology, slang for certain positions, even words relating to oral sex or self pleasure I am clueless. I have a troublesome enough life without worrying about sex so when I saw what he was pointing to I couldn't but cock an eyebrow in confusion. Number 39- Give or receive a rim job

'What the fuck do cars and sex have to do with each other?" I asked. I automatically assumed that since cars had rims on them it had something to do with some weird car sex…how mistaken I was

"I didn't have a clue until earlier either, then I looked it up…" He replied

He placed another piece of paper in front of me. Something printed off the internet. I began reading and the more I read the more heated I could feel my face become. There was no way in hell I was having any part of it, NO WAY, I could not fathom that particular action. It was a tongue stimulating the anal glands to induce arousal apparently an act popular with the homosexual community but was becoming popular with heterosexual couples

"This is some weird joke of yours right? You do have a dry sense of humor and this, this isn't even funny Matt" I said to him

I was actually rather lost for words. I didn't know what the hell to say in response to what I had read. I knew in that moment that I was going to have to watch some form of gay porn because I was clueless, sex and love were enigmas and apparently I was still living in caveman years were it was all about just sticking it in and getting it over and done with

"Being gay is a pain in the ass" I mumbled to myself noting that what I had said could be taken in the literal sense

"You're not going to tell me it isn't happening?" Matt asked me curiously

"Don't get too excited, I'll do some research first but let me make this perfectly clear to you if an IF I decide that I can deal with it YOU are the one doing it to ME. It's hard enough me trying to deal with all this nuisance without worrying about how the fuck I am supposed to get you off. What the hell happened to a blow job and then fucking? That I know about" I continued flustered

It's in my nature to win, it always has been. I want to be the best no matter what it cost and the truth of the situation was that I was in a relationship with Matt, it was as simple as that. He was my boyfriend, made clear last night. I was now in a homosexual relationship and because of my need to be the best I was going to have to learn a few things, the last thing I wanted was to be taken by surprise, if he had just stuck his tongue in my ass while sucking me off or something I probably would have knocked him unconscious. If I was going to be gay and if I was going to keep Matt happy then I needed to know what I was doing…My life just became a whole lot more complicated.


	6. Chapter 6

I sat looking at the list for a moment, silently. It was clearly obvious that both of us had a lot to learn. It was suddenly becoming a burden some of the things listed seemed unachievable but with my need to be better than everyone else and Matt's determination one way or another they were going to be done. Thinking about the list bought up the fact that our relationship was rather different than what it was twenty-four hours prior and whether I liked it or not the issue needed to me addressed.

I placed the list and the information I had received about "rim jobs" on the desk

"Sit down" I said to Matt without looking at him

I watched as he went to move to the other side of the desk to sit in the crappy plastic chair. I rolled my eyes, God he was so damn clueless sometimes

"Not there you idiot, here"

I pulled my legs down off the table and proceeded to pat my lap. He looked rather shocked but I hoped he would have hurried up and sat down before I changed my mind. I knew that I would never lose Matt, we were extremely close and we had a strong bond but in light of the current situation I was going to, even though I hated the idea, show some form of affection towards him that wasn't just fucking even though the previous night had verged on being hopelessly romantic.

He finally moved and sat down in my lap. Matt is a scrawny bastard with hardly any meat or muscle on him, being the lazy son of a bitch he is means he doesn't get exercise and even if he did with the amount he smoked he probably would have had a heart attack and died even if it was just from a quick jog. He didn't weigh much sitting in my lap; it was nothing my legs couldn't handle. I pulled the cigarette from out of his lips and placed it on the table and then removed those damn goggles so I could see his emerald eyes more clearly.

"Last night…I meant what I said to you but in saying that you also know that I am not the affectionate type, I know you won't expect me to change who I am but the fact is we aren't just friends anymore and because I always want to be the best I can be I'm willing to put aside my stubbornness and give you want you want, I will try to be the best boyfriend that you deserve, providing you do something for me" I said to him

I was calm. What I wanted from him was something that I knew he wouldn't be comfortable with but since I was stepping outside my comfort zone it was only fair if he was made to as well and what I had to ask him was something I had never seen or heard him do.

"What do you want?' Matt replied

He continued to look into my eyes and even though I was sure I would regret saying what I was going to say it was the stipulation I wanted in play and I always got what I wanted, no questions asked.

'You can't keep it bottled up anymore. You don't say anything about when you're hurting you don't have any emotion in you except the fact that you have made it clearly obvious that you are in love with me. You work for me Matt and the day is going to come when the shit hits the fan and for your protection you can't suddenly let nineteen years of emotion come pouring out at once'

'You're worried that in the event one of our enemies gets hold of me that I am just going to let everything spill aren't you?" He asked me

It couldn't have been further from the truth

"No that is not what I am worried about. Don't jump to conclusions; do you honestly believe that it's ok that you sit in silence carrying the burden of whatever it is that you have been carrying on your shoulders for nearly two decades? I'm completely psychotic but at least I let people know that. I know you would never betray me but I am not fucking psychic I cannot guess when you are hurting, if you want me to open up then you have to as well. This is a two sided relationship Matt; I can't do this without you"

I could hear the frustration in my voice. I was making an effort to change myself even if it was slightly and that pissed me off that I was considering that I wasn't already good enough to be with him. I knew one day I was probably going to be the reason he ended up dead, I wasn't so full of myself not to realize that. Even though the risk was high he wouldn't leave me and I knew that if it came down to it the only way I was ever truly going to protect him was as if I cut ties with him completely but that in itself was an impossibility either way I was going to end up spending the rest of my life with Matt and eventually there was going to come a time where I wouldn't be able to do my job anymore, whether it was because of old age or I became physically incapacitated all I really had a guarantee of was Matt always being with me and I knew if I really wanted to keep him forever I was going to have to give him the affection I had been holding back, it didn't mean I was going to be nice to anyone else, everyone else could go play in moving traffic for all I cared but in the same way Matt saw me differently from everyone else I saw him in the some retrospect. He wasn't someone disposable, he wasn't someone I could use for personal gain, he wasn't just some dumbass that I could throw away like a used tissue, he was my Matt, my best and oldest friend, the person I trusted with my life, my lover, my partner, my everything.

"Alright, if that's what you want…I'll do it" He replied

He bought a smile to my face. He was always the same Matt he always had been. If it made me happy or if it was something I wanted he would do it and honestly I probably would have never had to give him anything in return.

X

The one thing we do and always have had in common is that we don't like being bored. There has to be something happening and something different occurring in order for us to be entertained. That is why I liked my job so much, every day was different. I wasn't putting on a suit and tie and sitting behind a desk for eight hours only getting up to use the facilities. One day I could be killing traitors the next I could be planning to blow up one of the enemy cartels HQ's and even though Matt did a lot of monitoring and tracking for me I knew he couldn't stand sitting in front of computer screens with nothing happening on them. It was probably the only thing, beside the avid affection for one another and the fact we grew up in the same orphanage, which we had in common. So the fact that we were both able to lay on the couch, semi tangled in with each other both of us flipping through some magazines that I had ended up buying, to get some idea on how this was going to work, was actually rather astonishing.

I turned the page after looking at some huge buff men getting sucked off by some younger guys who were even scrawnier then Matt and there it was the physical display of what I had learned earlier on and by the look on the faces of the guy on the receiving end it was the most pleasurable thing any one person could have done to them. I continued looking through the rest of the magazine and I suddenly threw it down onto the floor, I had enough. I was extremely aroused and whether Matt liked it or not I was fucking horny and needed some kind of relief.

I turned around and grasped hold of the magazine from his hands and tossed it down the floor before straddling his lap. I could see that he was pretty damn shocked considering where my ass was sitting. I could feel his cock was just as hard as mine was. He went to open his mouth to say something but I leaned into him, wrapped my hand around his mouth and looked deep into his eyes

'Shut up" I said to before taking away my hand and pressing my lips against his neck

I could taste the sweat that began to pool on his neck. I had only just started running my lips and tongue along his flesh and already I could feel his cock starting to jump. I felt his hands on either side of my hips and as I pulled away from his neck and pursed my lips to his I found myself grinding my lower half of my body into him. The sensation of having his erect member press hard against my ass was actually arousing me even more. I never had the intention of letting him fuck me, I always saw myself as the "Boss" so to speak, I always took the lead and what I said was what happened and to consider myself in a role reversal was not something I particularly wanted but I couldn't help myself the urge was there to let him have me and the fact that he was able to handle losing his virginity and not once complained about it made me want to prove I was just as strong, if not stronger than he was. But then a thought occurred to me. I was not exactly a kind man in any respects and if I wanted Matt to truly crave me there was something on that list I had seen that would end up making him crazy and I would finally get to hear him protest something, I knew it would piss him off and Matt in an angered state had me curious, I wanted to see how my red head would react to me leaving him high and dry.

Number 29- Making out with no sex….I really was a cruel man

I slipped my tongue into his mouth as I continued to kiss him passionately. I could feel his hands tighten their grip as our tongues commenced a battle of desire and hunger. I pulled away from his mouth and brushed my hand over his right cheek, smiling at him. I was sure that he could see it, that I was up to know good a person would have to be blind not to see that somewhat despicable smirk and trouble-making glimmer that I knew got caught in my light blue eyes when I had a devious plan being plotted inside my mind.

"Tell me something…How much do you want to fuck me right now?' I asked him

My typically calm and tranquil sounding voice had a devious and seductive purr to it. It was a little fun for me knowing that I was going to be torturing him in the way that I intended. I already knew very well that he most likely dreamed of the day that he would be inside of me and it was probably the only thing, other than wanting to be with me as my lover that he truly desired. It wasn't just my ego that initiated that thought I've always known that Matt has wanted me, besides occasionally he talks in his sleep and he has rather interesting dreams, because I am an insomniac I am always awake to catch his perverse thoughts.

'Can't you tell?" He asked me

"I am very well aware of your answer; I just want to hear you say it"

He smiled at me and being the cocky bastard he usually was he lifted his hips and really slammed his cock up against my ass. Although it wasn't obvious Matt was rather self-confident. He would prove that when I asked him to do a tracking job. He would sit at a desk watching several screens at once and occasionally play a game at the same time and he would never miss a thing. He never once let me down and even though he never once asked for any form of acknowledgement of his talents he did have this certain stride in his walk and look in his eyes that screamed 'Damn I'm good".

"I would literally kill to fuck you right now" Matt replied

That one sentence was the biggest turn on and I was just about ready to say fuck my plan and just let the guy have me but I was stubborn and I wanted to see Matt get angry, I wanted to see what nineteen years of suppressed emotion looked like, it was rather twisted but it was things like that, that I wanted see in Matt, I wanted to see him lose control a bit and I knew that once I knew for a certain that Matt was just as mental as I was then I was going to be completely confident that no matter the circumstance he was going to be alright with or without me.

I slipped my hands underneath the hem of his black and red striped shirt and slowly glided the digits upwards, tracing over his velvet like skin until I found his nipples. I pinched both firmly in between my thumb and index fingers and lightly twisted him, making him hiss, moan and then bit into his bottom lip.

'What's the matter Matty? Huh? Feeling a bit turned on are you?" I taunted him as I ceased pinching the stiff pink nubs and began to rub them with my fingers

He reached out for the silver cross shaped belt buckle attached to the black leather belt that I kept around my hips, it was more for appearance purpose rather than keeping my pants up. I purposely wore tight leather clothing not only as in a way to make it seem like I was someone that people could easily dominate, therefor surprising them when I kicked their ass or killed them but also because I took great pride in the way I looked. I was a good looking guy and black wet looking leather just seemed to suit me.

I slapped his hand away and as he moved it I pressed myself hard into him and pinched his nipples firmly again

"Let me fuck you" He ended up saying to me

I was a little surprised. He had never defied me at any point so clearly what I was doing was working. It was already driving him completely crazy that I was sitting there, against his thick and taut cock, kissing him, playing with his nipples and yet we were both still fully clothed. But what made the situation even more amusing was that in that very moment, after he had spat out the request my phone rang, which meant one thing, I was being summoned by some high powered business man to take care of some mess that needed to be cleaned up.

"Don't" He said almost firmly

I didn't listen, of course, as I said I don't like being told what to do. I pulled my hands out from under his shirt and leaned back to retrieve the phone out of my pocket and answered it. Although I wasn't expecting it I was slightly taken aback by Matt's boldness. As I pressed the phone to my ear and listened to one of the business men I had done work for before lay down the basic details I needed he has pressed his lips against my neck and quickly unbuckled my belt before slipping his hand down into my pants and grasped hold of my rigid cock….Cheeky fucking bastard. I finished up the call as quickly as possible and instantly pulled myself away from him; I could see the look of complete devastation on his face.

"Sorry baby, I gotta work" I said with a wide grin on my face

I placed a kiss on his forehead and began to walk away, although not planned the execution had worked perfectly. I knew when I returned home from the job I was given he was going to be eating out the palm of my hand. It was cruel of me to do that to him but I really couldn't help myself


	7. Chapter 7

_Matt finally loses it!_

I half expected him to be asleep by the time I got home. What I didn't see happening was him still being awake at three am, sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing. Matt is not the type to just sit lost in his own thoughts so unless he was taking what I had stipulated seriously I couldn't see any major reason for him to be there with a look of being lost in his face.

"Hey, what are you still doing up?" I asked him as I walked up to him

What I wanted was to go have a shower and than worry about what was bothering Matt, I still had blood stains in my blonde hair and I could feel the filth of the city on my skin, even though most of it was covered with clothing

"Couldn't sleep" He bluntly replied

I was not particularly in the mood to try and decipher Matt's cryptic and abrupt bullshit. It was late, I needed a shower and some chocolate and dare I even say a little rest. I was fucking exhausted and I really didn't need to deal with that crap in that moment, I already knew he was probably pissed because of what I had done to him earlier but It wasn't quite the explosive outburst that I was expecting, or rather hoping for.

"I'm going to have shower, why don't you go to bed and I'll be there soon and you can tell me what's really bothering you" I said to him

I began to walk away when I was suddenly halted by an almost sarcastic hint of laughter coming from him. I turned back around and looked at my red head who sounded as if he was going to cry. In all the years I have known him he never once cried but whenever I lost control of my emotions he was always there, never judging me and was the shoulder I could always rely on being there

"You really don't get it do you?" He finally said once he was able to pull himself together to stop from bursting out in tears

"I don't fucking get what?"

I was already becoming pissed off. I was in a bad mood enough as it was but he was making the situation seem so much worse but this is what I wanted, I wanted Matt to let the last nineteen years of suppression and bad memories and feelings out. It was about time he released all the anger, sadness and frustration he had been building up inside of him and if he pissed me off too much I was either going to knock him out or just ignore him but I was ready to hear what Matt had to say, no matter what it was.

"I know you aren't exactly a kind person, not to others anyway, but you have always been good to me. You were the only one who ever acknowledged my existence and you know that I am in love with you but what you did last night was really shitty. I know it amused you but you don't even seem to get that it broke my heart that you just got up and left. I know I said I wanted to have sex with you but I didn't care if we just spent the night kissing and talking or whatever...you just don't get when it comes to you just how fragile my heart is"

It was the most he had ever said to me at one time and I could hear that shake of impending tears as he talked. I didn't want to make Matt cry, that much I didn't want to happen, I did love Matt and it was true I had know idea that his heart was fragile that wasn't my fault, he had kept silent all these years about how he felt, I knew if he just told me what he was feeling right from the start things would have probably been different now. We were just kids when we met, no idea of the future, not really caring about how we would survive outside in the real world, not knowing that we would both be immersed into a world of underground crime it was leaving Wammy's and making decisions to survive that made me the way I was. L's death was my first breaking point and then everything else that followed I became more and more jaded and as a person terrifying and angry and yet Matt stayed with me and continued to love me and it was his responsibility to tell me while we resided in the orphanage that he loved me, who knows things may have turned out differently.

"You wanted this Matt, you wanted to do that damn list! Don't give me hell for helping you out! Selfish jackass" I ended up yelling

I was already becoming angry, for the first time Matt was actually pissing me off to the point where I felt like I could punch him. He suddenly stood up and turned and looked at me grabbing hold of the list in his hand

"The list? the list? FUCK THIS DAMN LIST! All I wanted was you. I didn't even give a fuck if I lost. You want the car? Take it, you want me to stop smoking?..."

Matt quickly snatched up the packet of cigarettes and crushed them with force in his hand. I was really starting to see the full force of Matt come out

"I quit, you want me as a sex slave to use whenever your pissed off and need release?..."

He tossed down the crushed packet and swiftly undid his jeans which fell to floor and pooled around his ankles

"The use me. I would sell my soul for you if that was what made you happy. I would walk into oncoming traffic or blow my own head off with a shotgun if you told me to die. I am not your fucking toy! I am not one of those assholes at HQ that are constantly disappointing you, I am not some fucking random stranger that you can't trust. I am Matt! The same Matt who has always been by your side! the same Matt who has loved you every damn day since we met. You were the only one who knew I even existed, I was pushed into the shadows by everyone and you bought me into the light and saved me from myself. I wanted to die before I met you, you have kept me alive just by acknowledging me and I love you deeply for that...This list? the only reason why I accepted the challenge was because I wanted you...I have only ever wanted you. I didn't want to tell you I was hurting because I didn't want to burden you when you already have a lot to deal with"

I felt my whole body stiffen to what he had said. I knew how he felt about me but to finally hear that he would gladly die for me and that he loved me so deeply it was like needles to the heart. I had no idea how dark his world truly was and that I was the only reason he bothered to keep living, I didn't even know he wanted to die before he met me. He was always smiling and so damn head and heart strong, at least that is how he made it seem. This was what nineteen years of sadness looked like and the moment I could see that first tear leave his emerald eyes I could feel my own heart breaking and I don't know what it was but instead of storming away in anger and slamming doors, yelling loudly and calling him every name under the sun I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him, just like he had done for me every time I cried. I wasn't even mad at him anymore. He was only happy because of me. It was true that I was the only one who really ever knew him, he was always ignored or went unnoticed except when he was teased by the other kids for being so skinny and because of his bright red hair, of course I always punched them out and claimed it was an accident but to the world Matt was nothing except to me...he was everything to me and damned if I was going to be the reason his heart broke.

I could feel the droplets hit my neck and roll down under my clothing. His warm tears against my flesh and the fact he sobbed so silently made my eyes start to water. It hurt knowing how much pain Matt had been in all the years I had known him and that he kept it all locked up so that he wouldn't burden me. Either I was a really shitty friend or I was way too demanding on him, either way it was still my fault he was crying.

"I just don't get it Matt, I mean yes I am good looking, intelligent and I do have great taste in clothing but why me? why would you want to fall in love with me knowing who I am and what I do? You have seen me kill people before, you have seen me knock people out simply cause they looked at me funny. You said it yourself I treat people like shit because I think they deserve it. Why would you want that? why do you want me so badly?' I asked him

I still held onto him tightly and slowly the tears were drying up from his eyes.

"Because you gave me life Mello, you showed up when I really needed someone. You saved me from myself...that is something, no matter how hard I try, I can't thank you enough for. I just wanna be with you forever, I don't care about anything else...I just want you"

His words penetrated my very core. I hadn't regretted telling him to let go of everything that he had been bottling up inside of him because I now knew what was really behind the forced smiles and seemingly strong heart. I never meant to make him cry, if it were anyone else I would have walked away laughing but it was Matt. He had kept me strong so many times and I couldn't ignore the strong feelings inside of me. I had spent so many years fighting my own desires for love and sex that I tried to convince myself that it was not important but holding Matt close to me, feeling how much he truly loved me for everything that I was...no man, no matter how evil, not matter how wrong and no matter how much of a sinner he was should ever be able to ignore the feelings of someone that loves them unconditionally.

I pulled away from him slightly and placed my glove covered hand under his chin and lifted his head so he was looking into my eyes. It was the only time I didn't care how romantic or sentimental it all was

"You would have always had me, you didn't need that list to have me Matt, all you had to do was tell me. You and I will always be together until death...you'll ALWAYS have me. I love you"

I could see the look of shock glaze over his green eyes as he looked at me and I watched as two tears trickled out of each of them.

"What? don't look so damn shocked why the hell do you think I beat the shit out of all those other kids when we were growing up? why do you think I insisted you come with me? You honestly think I was willingly going to let someone else have what has always been mine...like hell. We live a pretty fucked up life Matt, who else would be able to live it with me and die doing it with me? I wouldn't have let you go if someone paid me...unless of course they through in a chocolate factory or something"

I smiled at him, trying to break some of the sad emotion with a joke. I heard him let out a soft and short laugh and then he wiped the tears away

"Asshole" He replied with a smile

I leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. I could taste the slight saltiness of his tears and felt his arms wrap around me and held me tightly. For the first time in my life I had admitted loudly I was in love and even though it was a strange sensation to say such a thing I meant it and I most definitely felt it


	8. Chapter 8

His warm and wet tongue trailing up my chest to my neck sent euphoric and lascivious shudders all throughout my body as he rubbed my cock with his hand. My arms were draped over his shoulders that were covered in a film of perspiration as I straddled his lap, his taut and erect cock resting underneath my ass and his right hand pressed firmly against my back. He took a mouthful of flesh into his mouth and sucked on the skin causing it to become scarlet red and sensitive. With each movement of his mouth I felt myself melting more into him and lustful moans escaping both of us. It was the first time that after an argument we had been this close. We didn't argue often, especially since Matt never really said anything but when we did it would end up us being in separate rooms and not talking until the next day so the fact that we were tangled in with each other sharing heated and passionate kisses, strokes and gentle yet desirable moans and groans was not only surprising but very much welcomed.

He pulled his mouth away from my neck and looked up into my eyes as he continued to jerk me off with a firm yet tender hand.

"Are you trying to make me cum?" I asked him with a smile

He just grinned at me in return and then leaned into me, taking my right stiff nipple into his mouth and began to flick it with his tongue. I was like liquid as soon as he touched me, I couldn't believe that what Matt was making me feel was coming from the love he had for me. It was funny how that quiet, anti-social no so long ago virgin was blossoming and so damn quickly, he definitely was far from that sweet and innocent boy that I grew up with.

I moved my right arm from off his shoulder and elevated my hand, tangling it in with the vermillion tresses on his head, even though damp with sweat they still felt like the softest silk in between my fingers. The more he continued to stroke and lick me the harder it was for me to keep composed and I was sure, but what I could feel pressing against me, that he was having just as difficult time as I was. I could feel the damp patch on my skin where his solid cock was throbbing and rubbing against my ass. I never thought I would think it or say it but I was ready to let him have the one thing I had never let anyone have.

I pulled on his hair so that his mouth would release from my nipple that was now not only extremely hard but also moist with his saliva

'If I let you do this so you swear on your life that you will NEVER ask for it again and you will NEVER mention it again?" I asked him

"I swear...you are serious aren't you, you aren't suddenly gonna get up and vanish?" He questioned with an almost serious and a "don't you dare" tone of voice, he released my pulsating and blood filled member, I suppose in case I said that I was kidding and that would make way for him getting up and leaving

I hardly appreciated him not trusting me, but in that case I could understand why he said it

"I'm serious but like I said...you mention this at all I will kill you, and don't think I wont"

I would have never done such a thing but I knew if I placed the threat he would know how serious I was about never hearing how he fucked me and it was likely, knowing just how unpredictable I was, I could have very well meant it.

"I swear I wont say a word, you can trust me" He replied

I took a deep breath and judging on how damp everything was I didn't particularly see lubrication gel to be necessary and if Matt could handle the pain then I was going to prove I could handle something far more painful, my ego would have never let me fail.

I lifted myself slightly up and reached back and grasped hold of his cock. I could feel his whole body shaking and even his eyes, they looked filled with nervousness

"It's ok Matt, I want this. Don't be so anxious after all I am the one who is going to be in pain so calm down" I said in a authoritative tone to him

He suddenly placed a hand against my cheek and made me look at him...damn he was getting cocky

"It's because you'll be in pain that's making me nervous...I don't wanna hurt you"

"Don't be such a damn woman! I will be fine, you know I have been through much worse, getting fucked in the ass will be like a walk in the damn park. Really, you know me so stop worrying so much and let me do this you crazy bastard!"

He dropped his hand and I slowly started to ease his cock into me. The first penetration was painful, like a strong burn shooting through my body. I actually found myself clenching my teeth. I persisted and once I felt the tip inside of my I let go of his cock, placed my hands against his chest and impaled myself of the length that, because of the friction, felt like it was taking forever for the full length to enter me. By the time Matt was inside of me I was in an excessive amount of pain but somehow through the burning and stinging agony there was a hint of pleasure there and I could tell by the look on Matt's face I wasn't the only one feeling that nagging of euphoria.

I just sat there. I couldn't move...rather I didn't want to move because I knew that if I did in that moment I was going to end up cumming. It may have seemed slightly masochistic but pain has always fueled me to push through. They say that you know you are alive when you feel pain and from the agony I felt in my heart earlier to the torture I felt inside of me in that moment were all just reminders that the rest of the world may have wanted me dead and gone but the person I was letting inside of me wanted to always have me and between the hurt and that strange loving feeling I got from Matt told me I was very much alive

"Are you ok?" He asked me as he placed his hands on my hips and lovingly squeezed

'Yeah...I'll be fine...I just need a minute ok...don't worry about me Matt, I'm ok"

I saw him smile and lightly shake his head at me

"Asking me not to worry about you is like asking you not to worry about me...we are completely hopeless when it comes to that sort of thing"

I frowned at him, I had to admit what he said distracted my mind from the pain I was feeling

"Hey! speak for yourself!"

"It's funny...even behind the threats, anger and destruction I have always thought of you as being kind hearted. No one else can see, I get that but I see it...very clearly, you really are one amazing person...I love you Mello, I love you so fucking much" He said to me

I felt my heart suddenly hold still for a brief moment. Over the years he had given me compliments here and there but nothing like that. It made me feel a little uneasy because of course someone like me only ever had bad reviews and rumors spread about me. People hated me, I knew that and I didn't care but hearing Matt call me amazing made my whole body warm and I had hoped that even though my cheeks suddenly felt hot I wasn't blushing. The pain was suddenly gone and only the sensation of pleasure had filled me completley.

I could feel something strange inside of me. I knew it was possible since it was the first time I had someone inside of me that it was just a linger feeling of peculiarity and the fact I had technically speaking lost my virginity

"...Matt?" I said to my red headed lover with my brows furrowed

"Yeah?"

"You didn't cum already did you?"

He smiled at me and bit into his bottom lip

"OH WHAT THE HELL! MATT!" I yelled at him and then tried to struggle to get off of him, he was unbelievable sometimes

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry...please don't go. I didn't mean to it just felt so damn good and you can feel that I am still hard so...just stay" He almost begged me

I could hardly go now anyway. I needed to release myself and the upside was that at least it wasn't hurting so much now there was some sort of lubrication there.

'You have really got to learn to control yourself you know...it's pathetic"

"It's your fault for feeling so damn good, so don't blame...me"

I felt him thrust up into me and the moment I could feel his cock brush up against the prostate my body felt like it was crumbling. I moaned out loudly as he slowly placed his hips back into the mattress

"COCKY BASTARD! YOUR GETTING TO DAMN..."

He thrusted into me again, It didn't take a genius to figure out that he wasn't interested in what I had to say and to be honest I had enough of talking. I wanted the intense, passionate and heated fucking session I imagined I would end up happening for my first time being the bottom. I always knew it was going to be Matt I just never knew that what he felt for me would transpire into something so tantalizingly addictive. I hadn't wanted to even be the one being fucked but what I was feeling with Matt inside of me was like a drug, the more I felt him move in and out of me the more of it I wanted...it was a dark moment for me because I knew that I was going to be sharing the role of the top with Matt.

As he continued to thrust in and out of me, each time his swollen head brushing against that sweet spot inside of me, was bringing me closer to orgasm. The heat pooled and swirled inside my stomach, every second bringing my urge to release to the surface. The heat that wrapped around our bodies was thick, heavy, moist and humid. I could feel the warmth rising off of Matt's body and lovingly licking my flesh. I closed my eyes and felt my body start to rock against his hips. As my eyelids shut I could feel him once again trace his tongue over my chest that was damp with sweat. He licked upwards causing my skin to bunch into goosebumps as he cleaned my flesh of the salted liquid.

'Ahhh...Fuck! Matt, I'm so close" I found myself calling out

The pleasure and joy was so intense. Matt was drowning me in a sea of overwhelming passion and undulating euphoric pleasure. The sensation of his lips and tongue teasing my skin, his hard, throbbing, thick cock sliding in and out of me with my muscles squeezing his length tightly and just the feel of his heart pounding against me was what was pulling me over the edge.

"Hey...look at me" He said

I opened my eyes and I looked into his beautiful emerald green ones that were always so honest, even if he wasn't.

"What?" I panted heavily, I was slightly annoyed that he interrupted such a blissful moment but considering the timing I figured he would have had something important to say.

'I love you Mihael, I don't want you to ever forget that"

It was if the room suddenly fell silent. I couldn't hear his heart beating, I could hear the heavy breathing that escaped either of us. It was the first time I had heard my real name spoken. I made everyone call me Mello and the only person who I ever told my real name too was Matt and for the very first time since we had met he had said it and the moment I recognized what he had said I had came. I felt the first stream of cum leave my body and once it hit his hot and sweaty flesh I felt myself lean into him as I continued cumming. I rested my forehead against his chest and all the sounds that we had made together had returned

"...Mail..." I said once I caught back my breath

My heart was still pounding hard inside of my chest and even though I could feel that he had cum for the second time Matt was still inside of me. I was still slightly in shock but I was also overjoyed. I never imagined he would ever say my name, especially not like that and in that moment, even if it was just briefly, we weren't Mello and Matt we were Mihael Keehl and Mail Jeevas, the names we were born with, the names we would die with and the names that were spoken for the very first time

"I love you too...and I don't want you to ever forget that" I continued


	9. Chapter 9

I had been awake for many hours before Matt even made an appearance. I watched intently as he ambled towards the kitchen but stopping to kiss me on the head before making his way to kettle to make coffee. I could see very clearly he was still half asleep and I really didn't expect the kiss either, it wasn't like him to make such an advancement on me knowing that I could be in any mood. He didn't say anything, perhaps he had said so much the night before that he was literally lost for words.

I still had a persistent ache in my ass and even though I had spent an extra ten minutes in the shower getting cleaned I could still somehow feel him inside of me. It was both irritating and also warming, I really didn't anticipate that I would still feel everything that happened the night before but I really couldn't regret letting him have what I had kept sacred for twenty years.

'Coffee?" I heard him ask in a droney and tired tone

"When have I ever drank coffee? and for that matter you don't drink coffee often either, that jar has been in the cupboard for over a year and it's still three quarters full. What's the deal Matt? feeling tired?" I asked with a smile

"...Mmm"

It was like having a conversation with a zombie. I was sick of hearing how much he loved me, even though it was rather endearing but I heard enough I love you's to last me a life time but even still I would have preferred him to say he loved me again then try to talk to him grunting like a damn neanderthal. The truth was I was still on a high from hearing him say my name with an I love you. It was leaving an almost tingly feeling in my heart, something I wasn't 100% comfortable with but still I couldn't help but feel like I was floating on cloud nine...I felt utterly disturbed with myself and those sappy bullshit feelings, especially since what I had been doing all that morning, I really was getting soft...damn Matt.

"Hey ignoramus, when you have finished being a jackass and actually feeling awake I have something to show you so hurry the fuck up will you, I'll be outside, I got some phone calls to make, come and get me when you feel you can actually have a conversation"

I got up out of the chair and took myself out into the front yard. I lied, I didn't have any phone calls to make, I was waiting for one to get confirmation on the hit last night but I knew that wouldn't come in until the afternoon. What I had to show Matt was something I never imagined I would end up showing him. I felt like a damn maiden in love with the dumbass stable boy or something of the sort. I had spent four hours of my time wasting it on something I had done for my "charming" red head and I was already starting to regret it

I hated what he had done to me. I felt somewhat fragile and a little sick. I knew one day...eventually I was going to change a little but I didn't expect it to happen so soon but the truth was I didn't want to treat Matt in a bad way, even the way I spoke to him before I walked outside was just plain obnoxious but he left a lingering feeling of annoyance in my heart. I had been the asshole who treated people like shit for a long time and I was fine with people being threatened by me and even though I had no intention of being the Mr. Nice Guy to everyone else I still felt as if my heart had changed slightly. I never wanted to lose Matt and last night, it was very clear, that he had truly penetrated every part of me. He made me realize a lot that I had been too blind and too stubborn to see and the fact I had actually fallen asleep in his arms and woke up in that same position was the smack in the face that made me see that what was between Matt and I was no short term infatuation I was always going to be in love with him and I was always going to be there for him and the fact he had turned me into some love stuck mushy wanker was something I was going to have to deal with whether it was now or in the future. He bought out something in me that never once existed he made me feel love that was a thousand times stronger than any other emotion.

"I've stopped being an jackass, I'm awake"

I heard behind me. I couldn't help but laugh, it amused me that he didn't let any name that I called him affect him, he just shrugged it off and used it in his dry sense of humor. I turned to face him and began to walk inside, he followed close behind and shut the door closed and locked it. I advanced towards the kitchen table and sat down in the chair and waited for Matt to join me. Once he was sitting opposite to me, I reached into the waist band of my leather pants, where I normally kept my gun but placed a piece of paper on the table instead and pushed it across the surface and waited for Matt to grab it and read what I had written.

"Before you read it, you are only allowed to read the title and nothing more"

I watched him pick it up and after a few short seconds of reading it he smiled, possibly the widest and sweetest smile I had ever seen on his face.

He lowered the paper and looked at me, our eyes connecting across the table. His damn grin was so contagious I too ended up smiling

"What is this?' He asked me

I sighed and shook my head at him, what an obscure question to ask, he could read so why was he asking me such a dumb thing?

"Can't you read? It says right there on the top what it is" I replied

"Well yeah I can see that but...'

'Look it's simple, It's your new list, fifty things to do with Mello before you die" I said to him

I really couldn't believe I had gone to all that effort but after what he had said I wanted to rectify the situation and I did love him so I did do it out of compassion and love...ERRRGH

'You did this for me? wow Mello...I really don't know what to say"

"Fine, you don't wanna do it then give it back and let me burn the fucking thing' I said leaning forward to grab the paper

He quickly pulled back so I couldn't grasp it

"...No I want it, I want to do these things"

"But you don't even know what they are yet" I replied

"I don't care, I wanna do it...so can I read the list now?"

I shook my head at him. I wasn't going to let him read the list. I was already embarrassed enough as it was that I had written the damn thing so I was going to make sure he did it my way since I was the one looking like a damn fool.

'You have to do it order, once you have done the first you can look at the second as so on so forth. You DO NOT read the rest of them until you have done the one prior. If you cheat I will know and I will take it off of you and MAKE you do the original bucket list if you have a problem with any of it then you can go fuck yourself and will never EVER do anything nice for you again...got it?" I demanded

Matt just laughed and nodded

'Yeah Mello, I got it. I wont cheat' He replied

"You better fucking not, you can read the first one and the first one only and then fold the paper so you can't see the rest"

He did as he said. He read the first list item and grinned again before folding the paper up so that only the first list item could be seen.

"Well?" I asked

He got up off the chair and walked over to me. He bent over slightly and I tilted my head up so that our eyes met.

"You are sexy, smart, the best at everything and the scariest fucker I have ever met and I promise I will always, always respect, serve, trust and love you until I'm nothing more then a pile of bones in a box" He said to me

It amazed me that he had such a damn good memory and could recite every single word I had written and in perfect order.

'Good, you can look at two now" I said to him

He turned his gaze away from me and unfolded the paper. He read the next item on the list, folded the paper back up and walked away from me and to the fridge. He pulled out a block of chocolate, closed the door and returned to me. He began to unwrap the block and held a section up to his mouth and took a small chunk out of the corner but instead of chewing it he leaned into me and pressed his lips to mine and with ease slipped the small segment into my mouth before kissing me softly. It was the best damn way I had ever eaten chocolate...maybe the list wasn't as nostalgic as I thought it was.


	10. Chapter 10

I had finally received the phone call I had been waiting for to get the other half of the money I was owed from the hit I had done. I was completely pissed off, according to my "client" a mix up had been made about who exactly was supposed to be killed and because they screwed up I couldn't be paid what was owed to me and I felt like going there and killing every single one of the bastards single handily, I hated when shit like that happened. I could see Matt look over at me from his handheld gaming machine and I couldn't even look at him, I turned away so my gaze couldn't meet his. I was in a shitty mood and I needed to get the bullshit sorted out and I knew that I was never going to be able to do that when he always seemed to lift that dark cloud away from me. Even though I was turned away from him I could still feel his eyes on me so I couldn't help but smile anyway...Jackass...

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING RAT'S ASS IF YOU BALLSED UP, REGARDLESS I DID MY END OF THE BARGAIN. IF YOU INCOMPETENT MORONS CAN NOT GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, I WANT MY MONEY AND YOU HAVE AN HOUR TO GET IT TO ME. IF YOU DO NOT I WILL COME THERE KILL EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT WORKS FOR YOU AND STRING THEM UP BY THEIR INTESTINES AND THEN I WILL FILL YOU WITH SO MANY HOLES YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO BE USED AS A DAMN TEA STRAINER!" I yelled loudly into the phone and then instantly hung up

I was not in the mood to deal with idiots and yet I was being forced to do it. I really did have the urge to kill someone in that moment. I was extremely angry and I knew that I was going to lose the plot if anything else went to shit. This was what I hated about my job, I had to suffer because other people couldn't get their shit together. I was going to get paid for the job I did whether they got the wrong or right person, I was fortunate that any death threats, no matter how bizarre they seemed, I made were taken seriously. I was very capable of doing the most disturbing things to people but because I wasn't completely psychotic I showed restrain, which sometimes, because of who I cleaned up after, surprised me.

"Mello?" Matt called out to me

"What?!" I ended up barking.

I couldn't help it I was so flustered and on the verge of having an emotional breakdown I didn't mean to take it out of him but it had happened many times before. It was because Matt was the only person that was ever around at the time everything went south and even though I was sure it didn't bother him it bothered me that he was always in the firing line when I shouldn't have been pulling the proverbial trigger in the first place.

"It doesn't matter what you do, I'll still always love you" Matt continued, clearly not fazed by my outburst

"...I didn't write that down" I said to him, not being able to recall writing those exact words for three or any of the other list items

He turned his head back around and looked at the gaming console again and continued to play. He hadn't even had a cigarette, he was actually trying to give it up because he know I wanted him too and that I hated him smoking.

"I know, I said it because I wanted to say it" he finally responded

Ah Matt...you know those stray animals that come to your door and you feed them because you feel sorry for them but then they keep coming back and somehow you keep feeding them, then let them inside and share your bed with them and then you get stuck with them for life and you end up loving them so much you can't live without them, even when they make you mad for pissing on the carpet or eating too much food...you get the picture, although Matt is far more attractive and better smelling than a stray animal...still occasionally he had the temperament of an untrained dog.

'Shut up idiot" I replied, I still couldn't stop smiling

'Mel's…"

He craned his head and looked at me from across the room he smiled and then looked away. He didn't need to say it I knew exactly what he silently said.

It turned out that I didn't need to go on a murder rampage they had taken my threat seriously and I was paid. I had been sitting on the couch eating a block of chocolate looking over the report I had Matt type up for me making sure everything was in order. I always kept a record of what I had done, mainly to boost my ego more than anything. I looked to the side without turning my head to see Matt staring at me. But the way he was staring at me was slightly peculiar, almost as if he wanted to ask me something but wasn't sure if he should be asking me whatever he was contemplating

'What?' I asked him looking back at the paper work instead of at him

"Did you know the average life expectancy for a male is around seventy six years?"

I turned my head and looked at him, frowning. I had no idea why he was telling me that or what he was getting at but clearly he was trying to make a point about something

"And your point is?" I asked him

"Well, I still have forty eight things to do on my list and we have, providing we aren't killed, fifty seven to fifty eight years of our lives left…It seems only logical to space them out don't you think?' He asked me

I smiled at him

"What makes you think that I am going to put up with you for fifty seven to fifty eight more years?" I asked him

"Well I figure that when you really think about it really we are the only ones who can tolerate one another. We know one another and we have learned to live with each other's faults and we love each other so…it seems fitting that half a century is enough time to do all the things listed"

I continued to look at him not saying a word. It made sense and I was willing to be with Matt for another fifty or so years. If he had cheated and saw what the last list item was he would have seen how willing I was to spend the next half a century with him

"…If I were you I would rethink that strategy. I agree you should space them out but if I were you I wouldn't leave it too long to get the list completed"

He looked at me with an almost excitement in his eyes and then an eagerness to look at the rest of the list but I knew he wouldn't simply because I told him not too.

"Don't look at me like that you know the rules, I am not telling you anything more, you will just have to complete the rest to find out what is last on the list won't you?" I asked him

"Is it sexy?" He asked me

I let out a short laugh

'Matt I am not telling you"

"Is it romantic?" He asked again

"Ask me again and not only will I burn the fucking thing I will give you a black eye"

He smiled and looked away from me for a second before connecting our gazes again. There was still that innocence about him, it was very dim but it was still there.

"You'll like it" I said to him…He made me cave, what could I say? Besides it wasn't much of a giveaway, everything he did with me he seemed to like

So here we are today, ten years later. It seemed such a long time ago and I can now tell you that Matt did get every single one of those list items done, he even did the ones that involved us being out in public and although it was a disaster, to begin with anyway, list item forty two, have sex with Mello while intoxicated was probably the most fun I had ever had. You are probably wondering about number fifty right?

Well before I tell you that just a little update on our lives now. I am still with Matt, we still have the same jobs except now I run a much larger syndicate, so large in fact that I have several cartels in seven different countries. Matt is still the same loser with no friends, however occasionally he will go for a walk outside and ever since he quit smoking a decade ago he has been pretty healthy, he is still lazy and yes he still plays video games. As for me I am still addicted to chocolate, I still wear leather, I haven't been killed or put in prison and although it is not as often I still have emotional breakdowns. We don't live in a shitty little apartment, in fact our house is big enough to home a family of twelve and I achieved my goal, I became the best damn Mafia Lord in the world.

So list item fifty, well…it has something to do with the fact that if Matt and I were to break up for any reason then he could, by law even though he probably wouldn't, take half of everything I own and it would also take lawyers to make our separation legal. Yep…I got hitched, pretty damn shocking hey? But like I always have I loved Matt enough to do what I saw as impossible and even now, five years after we got married he still insists on saying he loves me….every damn day but instead of his usual

'…Mello, I love you" or "I love you so fucking much Mello" it is always " I love you Mihael" which of course is still responded by me calling him an idiot, moron, twit…really anything I can find to say that's not overly insulting.

Is life perfect? No, it never will be, for anyone. But it comes pretty damn close, I have everything I have ever wanted but the most important thing is I have what I swore I would always keep, Matt. He has never left my side and I still love him so damn much….that stupid jackass.

_Well folks sadly that is it! I had such a good time writing this fan-fic it was Mellomattillicious...yes that is a real word now cause I made it up and I said so that it was a real world, feel free to steal it for your own fan-fics. Thank you to everyone that favorited, followed and especially to those who reviewed you guys fucking rock and I love you all so much. I should have another Death Note fan-fic up and running very soon with any luck so keep an eye out. I am open to any idea's you guys might have about future fan-fics or if you just feel like having a chat please just PM me I will get back to you ASAP. I am updating a couple of Bleach fan-fics at the moment but I PROMISE a new Death Note one will be it's way shortly, I am thinking something funny a little bit crack like but we will see how I go. Thank you all again for the love I send mine back to you guys xx K Quinn_


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